Music and Gender

Michaela's Experience with Music and Gender

The summer before my senior year of high school, I played my first solo set at the Hampton Station in Greenville, SC. My first show was very small. It was just me, my acoustic guitar, and a tip bucket playing in front of a couple of local businesses. After my set, I watched two other local bands "The Conversation" and "Her Pilots" play. I was over the moon and excited to be beginning a new musical journey. It wasn't until the end of the show that I realized that I was the only female musician that performed that night.

My First Solo Set!

Being one of the only female musicians (if not the only female musician) has become a recurring theme for me in my musical endeavors. While in high school, I started an a capella group and there was a total of four men and two women in the group. When I went to my first open mic at Smiley's Acoustic Cafe, I was one of only three women who performed. In high school I played in a band with my friends Jacob, Alex, Phillip, and Miles and guess what? I was the only girl in the band! When I finally decided to put together a band of my own, finding other female musicians was difficult so I ended up being the only woman in my band too. At first, being the only female musician in the room made me feel like a bad 

ass. After a while, I realized that being the only woman in the room presented a lot of real problems.

My Band!

I learned very quickly that if I didn't show up to a gig super dressed up, people wouldn't want to listen to me sing. This was a difficult realization for me to wrap my head around because my male counterparts could show up at a bar in jeans and a t-shirt and pack out the house. I began putting a great deal of effort into how I looked when I was onstage. I felt awful because I felt like was having to "dress up" my personality. It took me some time to find ways to present myself that felt true to who I am as a person and artist.

During the last couple months of our senior year, Jacob decided that he was going to plan summer tour for his band. I remember we were all so excited. We increased our rehearsals and began practicing more than ever before to gear up for the tour. It was the last month of high school, and we had a band meeting to discuss tour plans. The tour dates were set, and we would be spending about a week on the road playing in Greenville, Columbia, Charleston, Myrtle Beach, and finally closing the tour off with a show at Greenville's beloved Radio Room. Being the logical person that I am, I asked where we planned on staying during the tour. This is where we ran into problems. The rest of the guys had planned on sleeping on the floors of the bands we met while we were on tour. I explained to them that since I would be one of the only women on tour, I didn't feel comfortable sleeping in a house with men I didn't know. We ended up having a huge argument. Eventually we agreed that if we needed to, we'd sleep in the car while we were on the road. I had to really stick up for myself and explain the fears/dangers that were unique to my experience as a young woman. 

Last Night of The KNGS tour 2019

Another challenge that I ran into was that it was hard for me to share my story and point of view. Since so many of the local musicians I came into contact with were men, I began to look to them for inspiration. While the men in our local music scene are phenomenal musicians, they've had very different life experiences than I have.  I felt like my music wasn't an authentic expression of who I was, because I was drawing inspiration from people that weren't like me. I was afraid to share my experiences as a young woman, because I didn't want to be viewed as weak or cliche. It wasn't until I came across a local artist named Darby Wilcox that I realized embracing who I was wasn't anything to be afraid of. Darby Wilcox's music inspired me to share my authentic self with the world, because Darby is unapologetically Darby. After buying and listening to Darby Wilcox's CD: 11:11, I decided the expression of my femininity isn't weak. I realized that there is great power in embracing who I am and that my femininity is nothing to be afraid of. I have learned to wear my heart on my sleeve and can now use my authentic expression of femininity to command a room. (Below I have attached a video of Darby Wilcox being awesome. She's one of my favorite musicians/people and you can see her play locally all the time!)

Being one of the only women in the room can present problems wherever you go. Whether we are talking about matters of religion, race, sexuality, or gender identity, representation matters!  I'm happy to report that the longer I play out and watch shows in Greenville, the more that I see other women making music. At the beginning of this school year, I was fortunate enough to play for an all-women's show at The Velo Fellow in Downtown Greenville. There's even an all-Women's music festival coming up this March in Spartanburg called "Fusion Fest"! Even though being one of the only women presented me with many challenges, I am grateful for the lessons I've learned. I hope that in the years to come, young women like me have many sources of inspiration to draw from so that they can project an authentic and true picture of themselves out into the world. 

Thank you so much for reading my story about Music and Gender! I hope you have a beautiful rest of your day! 

Love and light always, 

-Michaela Faye